Joke of the Day

[firefighter]

A little girl and little boy are fighting about the differences between the sexes, and which one is better. Finally, the boy drops his pants and says, “Here’s something I have that you’ll never have!” The little girl is pretty upset by this, since it is clearly true and runs home crying. A while later she comes running back with a smile on her face. She drops her panties and says, “My mommy says that with one of these, I can have as many of those as I want!”

[firefighter]

Real knowledge is to know the extent of one's ignorance! ~ Confucius

[firefighter]

"If sex is such a natural phenomenon, how come there are so many books on how to do it?" ~ Bette Midler

[Mikey]

  A college football coach is giving his team a pep talk in the locker room, and feeling he’s getting nowhere, he drops his pants and grabs the teams mascot, a 2’ alligator. The alligator bites down on his dick, he waits a minute, then pokes the ‘gator in the eye, it let’s go and it drops to the ground. He then challenges the team by asking, “Any of you tough enough to do that?” From the back of the room a voice replies, “I’ll give it a try, if you promise not to poke me in the eye.”

[Prospector Bob]

Little Larry watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face.

"Why do you do that, mommy?" he asked.

"To make myself beautiful," said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue.

What's the matter mommy, asked Little Larry, "Are you giving up?"


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[Mikey]

  A new Foreign Legionnaire is stationed at a remote outpost in the desert, and inquires of another Legionnaire, “What do you do when you want to get laid around here?” The other replies, “There’s always the camel.” So a few weeks later the new Legionnaire is horny but he’s not horny enough to screw a camel. A week later he can’t take it anymore and goes into the stable, drops his pants and mounts the camel, and commences humping away. The other Legionnaire enters and sees him screwing the camel, and asks, “What are you doing?” He replies, “You said you used the camel!” The other replied, “Yeah, but I meant you ride the camel into town, and get laid!”

[Prospector Bob]

Little Larry attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs and rump, and chest.

After a few minutes, Larry asked, "Dad, why are you doing that?"

His father replied, "Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy."

Larry, looking worried, said, "Dad, I think the UPS delivery guy wants to buy Mom"


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[Cobia]

https://scontent-dft4-3.xx.fbcdn.net/v/ ... e=5ACD784D

[Cobia]

https://scontent-dft4-3.xx.fbcdn.net/v/ ... e=5AC6627A

[firefighter]

The Human Resources Director had to fire one of his workers, and he narrowed it down to two people either Mary or Jack. It was a difficult decision because they were both excellent employees.

Rather than flip a coin, he decided he would fire the first one who used the water cooler the next morning.

Mary came in the next morning with a horrible hang-over after partying all night. She went to the water cooler for a glass of water to take an aspirin.

The Human Resources Director approached her and said, “Mary, I’ve never done this before, but I either have to lay you or Jack off.”

“Could you jackoff then?” Mary said, “I feel like shit this morning.”

[firefighter]

You don't need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive more than once.

[Sable Renae]

Please stand up[/size][/size]One day a college professor of Psychology was greeting his new college class. He stood up in front of the class and said, "Would everyone who thinks he or she is stupid please stand up?"After a minute or so of silence, a young man stood up."Well, good morning. So, you actually think you're a moron?" the professor asked.The kid replied, "No sir, I just didn't want to see you standing there all by yourself."[/size]

[TC]

Why is my profile pic sideways?


Because I’m actually Sidewinder!


Jk. I don’t know why it’s like that but the joke wrote itself.

[firefighter]

Without nipples, boobs would be pointless!

[firefighter]

Q: Why should 60-plus year old people use valet parking?
A: Valets don't forget where they park your car.

[Sonja]

"I never said he stole my money." has 7 different meanings depending on which word you stress.

[Cobia]

https://scontent-dft4-2.xx.fbcdn.net/v/ ... e=5AF1A3E7

[Cobia]

https://scontent-dft4-2.xx.fbcdn.net/v/ ... e=5AE31022

[Cobia]

https://scontent-dft4-2.xx.fbcdn.net/v/ ... e=5AE743BF

[firefighter]

A gun is like a parachute. If you need one and don't have one, you'll probably never need one again.

[firefighter]

Forgive your enemy, but remember the asshole's name… forever.