Joke of the Day

[firefighter]

A little girl and little boy are fighting about the differences between the sexes, and which one is better. Finally, the boy drops his pants and says, “Here’s something I have that you’ll never have!” The little girl is pretty upset by this, since it is clearly true and runs home crying. A while later she comes running back with a smile on her face. She drops her panties and says, “My mommy says that with one of these, I can have as many of those as I want!”

[Prospector Bob]

Two jokes for ya...  ;D

Three old ladies were sitting side by side in their retirement home reminiscing.

The first lady recalled shopping at the green grocery and demonstrated with her hands the length and thickness of a cucumber she could buy for a penny.

The second old lady nodded, adding that onions used to be much bigger and cheaper also she demonstrated with her hands the size of two onions you could buy for a penny.

The third old lady remarked, "I can't hear a word you're saying but I can remember the guy you are talking about."

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A city boy, Kenny, moved to the country and bought a donkey from an old farmer for $100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day, so early in the morning he drove over to Kenny's.

Farmer: "Sorry son, I have some bad news, the donkey died."

Kenny: "Well then, just give me my money back."

Farmer: "Can't do that. I went and spent it already."

Kenny: "OK then, just unload the donkey."

Farmer: "What ya gonna do with him?"

Kenny: "I'm going to raffle him off."

Farmer: "You can't raffle off a dead donkey!"

Kenny: "Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he's dead."

A month later the farmer met up with Kenny.

Farmer: "What happened with that dead donkey?"

Kenny: "I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a piece and made a profit of $898.00."

Farmer: "Didn't anyone complain?"

Kenny: "Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back."

[Lee]

Why did the chicken cross the basketball court?
Because it heard the referee calling a fowl.

Why did the chicken cross the road?
To see the man laying bricks.

What did the chicken say when it laid a square egg?
Ouch!

What do you get when you cross a chicken and a caterpillar?
Drumsticks for everyone.

Which side of a chicken has the most feathers?
The outside.

[Chicagobob]

100 MPH Goat

Two Tennessee rednecks are out hunting, and as they are walking along they came upon a huge hole in the ground. They approach it and are amazed at the size of it.

The first hunter says, “Wow, that’s some hole; I can’t even see the bottom. I wonder how deep it is?”

The second hunter says,” I don’t know. Let’s throw somethin’ down there, listen and see how long it takes to hit bottom.”

The first hunter says, “Hey, there’s an old automobile transmission over there. Give me a hand, we’ll throw it in and see.”

So they pick it up and carry it over and count one, two, three and heave it in the hole. They are standing there listening, looking over the edge, when they hear a rustling behind them. As they turn around, they see a goat come crashing through the underbrush, run up to the hole and, without hesitation, jump in headfirst.

While they are standing there staring at each other in amazement, peering into the hole, trying to figure out what that was all about, an old farmer saunters up.

“Say there,” says the farmer, “You fellers didn’t happen to see my goat around here anywhere, did you ?”

The first hunter says, “Funny you should ask, but we were just standing here a minute ago and a goat came running out of the bushes doin’ bout a hunnert miles an hour and jumped . . .headfirst into this here hole!!”

The old farmer said, “Naw, that’s impossible . .. I had him chained to a transmission.”

[Chicagobob]

Her: "Honey, am I the only one you've ever been with?"

Me: "Yes dear, all the others have been 9's and 10's"

[Chicagobob]

POSSIBLE ALTERNATE ENDINGS FOR THAT JOKE:

[original line] 'So the Devil tells the woman "You can leave now. We've found your replacement.” '

(I was going to make the monger CB, while the beautiful blonde would be revealed as Rachel; so it could’ve been an eternal hell, or occasional pleasure, for each of them, depending on…but then I thought I should keep that a secret and not say anything about it to anyone.)

ALTERNATE PUNCH LINEs:
1. So the devil says to both the gorgeous blonde woman and the hedonistic monger. "Since you’re going to spend eternity together, I’d like to introduce you to one another: Bob, this is Rachel. Rachel, this is Chicago Bob.”

2. So the devil says to the gorgeous blonde woman “You’re going to have suck this monger’s cock for the rest of eternity. Rachel, meet Chicago Bob.” Rachel says “Oh, hell no! Put me in with that pack of vicious, wild dogs.”


Feel free to make up your own alternate endings with these two, or whatever.


Bruce

Rachel giving me an eternal blow job?  I like it!  ;D