BrothelLife

Let's try this again...


John was installing a new door and found that one of the hinges was missing.


He asked his wife Mary Ann if she would go to Home Depot and pick up a hinge. Mary Ann agreed to go.


While she was waiting for the manager to finish serving another customer, a beautiful bathroom faucet caught her eye.  When the manager was finished, Mary Ann asked him, "How much is that faucet?"


The manager replied, "That's a gold plated faucet and the price is $1,200.00.


Mary exclaimed, "My goodness that's an expensive faucet but it's certainly out of my price range." She then went on to describe the door hinge that John sent her to buy.


The manager said he had them in stock but would have to go to the stockroom to get one. From the stockroom the manager yelled, "Ma'am, do you wanna a screw for the hinge?"


Mary Ann shouted back. "No, but I will for the faucet!"

Why dont turkeys get invited to dinner parties?
    Cause they use fowl language.

What did Mr. and Mrs. Chicken call their baby?
    Egg

What do you call a duck with fangs?
    Count Quackula

Which side of a chicken has the most feathers?
    The outside

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children.

"You all have obsessions," he observed.

To the first mother, Mary, he said, "You are obsessed with eating sweets. You've even named your daughter Candy."

He turned to the 2nd mom, Ann, and said, "Your obsession is with money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."

He turned to the 3rd mom, Joyce. "Your obsession is alcohol. This too shows itself in your child's name, Brandy."

At this point, the fourth mother, Mrs. Miller, quietly got up, took her little boy by the hand, and whispered, "Come on, Dick, this guy has no idea what he's talking about. Let's pick up Peter and Willy from school and go get dinner.

Why did the 'new hire' get fired from the offshore drilling rig?
  He was the one throwing bread crumbs to the helicopters


(keeping the following one 'gender-free')

Person 1 - What do you mean by telling everyone that I'm an idiot???
Person 2 - Oh I'm sorry, I didn't know it was supposed to be a secret!

I am a Seenager

I have everything that I wanted as a teenager, only 60 years later. I don't have to go to school or work. I get an allowance every month. I have my own pad. I don't have a curfew. I have a driver's license & my own car. The people I hang around with aren't scared of getting pregnant & I don't have zits. Life is great! I changed my car horn to gunshots sounds. People get out of my way much faster now.

Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers. Now they drink like their fathers.

I didn't make it to the gym today. That makes five years in a row now. I decided to stop calling the bathroom the "John" & call it the "Jim." I feel so much better when I tell someone I went to the Jim today.

Old age is coming at a bad time.

When I was a child I thought "nap time" was a punishment. Now it feel like e small vacation.
The biggest lie I tell myself is, "I don't need to write that down, I'll remember it."
I don't have gray hair; I have "wisdom highlights!" I must be very wise.
If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would have put my toes on my knees.
Last year I joined a group for procrastinators. We haven't had a meeting yet.
Why do I have to press "1" for English when they're just gonna transfer me to someone I can't understand anyway.

Of course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice.

At my age "getting lucky" means walking into a room & remembering what I came in there for.
I have more friends I should sent this to, but right now I can't recall their names. Now I'm wondering: Did I sent this to you before, or did you send it to me?