Is Prostitution Cheating?

[rachelvarga]

"Did I or didn't I cheat when I was at the brothel?"


Wow, what a subject?


The rules of cheating are different rules for every person. For some people, you are a cheater if you even flirt with another girl and for others, you only cheat if you have sex. Cheating creates a massive amount of guilt, and some confess for no other reason than they feel guilty.


In my mind, it is not cheating when you come to a brothel. I'm not saying that to convince you to stop by; I'm telling you this because we are in a microcosm all our own. When you come into this world, the rules of cheating cease to exist.


At a brothel, you are in an environment that doesn't care if you are married or have a girlfriend. I have never thought a guy was a cheater. Many many guys are married or have girlfriends. You can't imagine how many times one of my clients tells me about their marriage or girlfriend or ask for advice. I never had any thoughts that he was cheating on her.


When you step out of our sphere and back into the day to day world, you shouldn't feel guilty because in our little Universe the laws of physics may be the same but the rules of cheating don't exist.

[firefighter]

I don’t consider visiting a brothel as cheating against a client’s significant other or partner.  Most women are adamantly against their husbands having a girlfriend because it may develop into a permanent relationship thereby breaking up a marriage.  Also, wives are usually perturbed when their husbands buy their girlfriends lavish gifts that they don’t regularly bestow upon their wives.  In addition, these extramarital affairs may result in a husband impregnating another woman or bringing home a STD to his wife.

I believe husbands visit brothels because of variety which is supposedly the spice of life.  Also, a Courtesan may be willing to fulfill a client’s sexual fantasies or offer a service that the client doesn’t receive at home.  In addition, brothel parties are safe sex because condoms and other precautions are utilized.  Furthermore, Courtesans and clients may become friends, but the likelihood of a permanent relationship developing is virtually none existent.  Therefore, wives should not be overly concerned about their husbands visiting a brothel for a need that she hasn’t satisfied, and it’s highly unlikely that a professional Courtesan would encourage a permanent amorous relationship with a client outside a brothel.

[Goldie]

I suppose it means different things to each of us. I think anything that you purposefully hide from your partner is cheating.

I’m not judging...we’ve all done it to some extent....but if you have to lie about it, you are cheating. I mean the whole point isn’t the specific activity. The point is that you have to lie about it. To me that’s what makes it cheating.

Goldie[/size]

[Dr. Who]

I agree with Goldie, regarding cheating. 

Although, some partners could be pretty judgmental, if you were to spill your guts to them about seeing a prostitute ...even if it's all legal.  I've never been married and I never visit the brothels when I'm in a relationship, but some ladies that I've dated in the past have had some pretty negative attitudes towards all form of sex work, even if it's legal.  You've probably heard this all before where some people believe that all prostitutes are broken and in need of help and men that frequent prostitutes are all scumbags.  Needless to say, if those ladies knew my past history of visiting the brothels, they would probably have killed me.  Of course, that's one reason why they are no longer in my life ...LOL.

[Goldie]

That’s actually an important point. Some partners are totally judgmental, and I’m definitely not saying I agree with that. But....if you enter into a relationship, you de facto accept the terms of that relationship.


Some couples have very strict rules. My first husband, for instance, was much older, and he didn’t think it was appropriate to slow dance with someone other than your partner. He also was not at all comfortable with either of us having a drink or dinner, for whatever reason, alone with a member of the opposite sex. If I had done those things and purposefully kept it from him, I’d consider that cheating. On the flip side, my second husband didn’t think twice about stuff like that, so I could have engaged in exactly the same activity, mentioned it in conversation, and it’s not cheating.


Lots of people do believe that mind fucking is a bigger threat than physical fucking... yet those same people would have a harder time justifying their concern about “mind fucking.” It’s really an interesting concept.


My cousin was married to a guy who was her best friend for the years they were dating and engaged. A few years after they were married he asked her to fix a computer glitch (she was the techie of the pair) and she innocently tripped over emails he was exchanging with a woman at work. And I’m sure this wasn’t purposeful snooping — I know her that well, she really had no suspicions at all. Anyway, to make a long story short, something about the intimacy of the tone of emails bothered her and she asked me what I thought. I said “OMG you have to talk to him about it. Of all the couples I know, I’m sure you guys are solid...you can’t let this fester in your head.”


In the end, her husband always maintained that there was not a sexual relationship (who knows for sure?) but he did maintain a very close relationship with this woman — daily txt, emails, occasional dinner, flowers on a birthday...and completely kept it from his wife; denied it repeatedly until it was totally impossible to deny. Do you think that’s cheating? I would feel cheated on if that happened to me. She always said, “it would be easier to get over if he just went out and fucked someone.”


To each his or her own...but I think most of us would feel violated if lied to by a spouse. Whether it’s that non-sexual mind fuck or stepping out to a brothel. When I was married I would occasionally go to a brothel alone and kept it from my husband, because I know he was intimidated by my physical response to women.  I freely (and not proudly) cop to cheating, because I purposefully hid it.


Lol obviously I have a rare afternoon off, a bottle of Rombauer, and too much time to opine!


Goldie

[SixT9er]

As much as I’d like to agree that going to a brothel isn’t cheating I can’t. I will say it’s the best form of cheating because of the safety and discretion but still cheating.


To me anytime you have either an intimate physical or emotional relationship with someone that you keep secret from your significant other you are cheating.

[Ironman]

I would think it would depend on the dynamics of your relationship. If you have a significant other that knows you are going to a brother and booking. Then no.


If however you are going in and your other half does not know. Odds are they will see it as a betrayal, and might even be discussed you went to a pro, not even taking into account that the pro is safer then picking up a one night stand in a bar. Some can't get past the stereotypical view of prostitution legal or not.


So it really depends on your relationship dynamics. There are exceptions to every rule. But most men don't  seem to consider love and sex to be one in the same. They can separate the two. Women not all but many don't separate the two. Or so it seems people have this habit of popping  in to my gym at 2 am and telling me there relationship problems.?


Speaking for myself only. I am not attracted. But if I was I would not go anywhere near a brothel or consider booking a prostitute unless it was my significant others Idea. If for no other reason in that I tend to think a lot of women not all but a lot would still consider it to be cheating. Some might even have a hard time with the fact that you booked with a prostitute and never want to touch you again even though in theory protection is worn. you need to remember the way members of forums like this view prostitution is very different than society in general.


So my answer it depends on your relationship. I personally though would not want to risk that my significant other if I had one would view it ax cheating and breaking more the. emotional.bond as apposed to the physical act of having sex with a woman other than her.

[Vanityaffair]

Seeing a prostituteeans many things to many people. Men come for all different reasons. Wife may be pregnant, wife may not want or can't have sex any more, the spark is not there anymore. Wife does not like to give head, anal or sex. May want fetish wife may not provide or don't want wife to know such as strapons. Or even as simple as wife to busy to even be sit down hang and chat. I think seeing a prostitute saves marriages I don't consider it cheating

[Goldie]

Seeing a prostituteeans many things to many people. Men come for all different reasons. Wife may be pregnant, wife may not want or can't have sex any more, the spark is not there anymore. Wife does not like to give head, anal or sex. May want fetish wife may not provide or don't want wife to know such as strapons. Or even as simple as wife to busy to even be sit down hang and chat. I think seeing a prostitute saves marriages I don't consider it cheating

All of that notwithstanding, if you are lying you are cheating.


People may go to brothers for all of those reasons, but again, it all depends on how you define terms. If a marriage “survives” because one spouse is lying to another...is it “saving” your marriage or perpetuating it?


To me, the most important piece of a life partner is trust. If that’s gone, it’s no marriage I’d want.


There’s lots of amazing rationalizations on this thread...but I still maintain that if you are lying, you are cheating.


Goldie

[Mikey]

Well, what the hell. I'll wade in here with my 2 cents. I've been married for 45+ years to my high school sweetheart, and I love here now more than ever. About 35 years ago I had an affair with a woman I worked with and it was a "train wreck", I confessed to my wife and moved out for a few months, but luckily we got back together and we've good ever since. For 30+ years now I've been making several trips to Reno and Vegas every year, and visiting the brothels. My wife knows that I'm a sexual person, though she has health issues that have taken away any interest in sex on her part, she never questions beyond a few cursory questions what I do on these excursions. In the winter I say I'm skiing, and in July she thinks I'm playing golf, the Charlie White Memorial Cup. So in my mind the brothels amount to a service I am being provided, without the emotional complications of an affair.[/size] 

[rachelvarga]

That’s actually an important point. Some partners are totally judgmental, and I’m definitely not saying I agree with that. But....if you enter into a relationship, you de facto accept the terms of that relationship.


Some couples have very strict rules. My first husband, for instance, was much older, and he didn’t think it was appropriate to slow dance with someone other than your partner. He also was not at all comfortable with either of us having a drink or dinner, for whatever reason, alone with a member of the opposite sex. If I had done those things and purposefully kept it from him, I’d consider that cheating. On the flip side, my second husband didn’t think twice about stuff like that, so I could have engaged in exactly the same activity, mentioned it in conversation, and it’s not cheating.


Lots of people do believe that mind fucking is a bigger threat than physical fucking... yet those same people would have a harder time justifying their concern about “mind fucking.” It’s really an interesting concept.


My cousin was married to a guy who was her best friend for the years they were dating and engaged. A few years after they were married he asked her to fix a computer glitch (she was the techie of the pair) and she innocently tripped over emails he was exchanging with a woman at work. And I’m sure this wasn’t purposeful snooping — I know her that well, she really had no suspicions at all. Anyway, to make a long story short, something about the intimacy of the tone of emails bothered her and she asked me what I thought. I said “OMG you have to talk to him about it. Of all the couples I know, I’m sure you guys are solid...you can’t let this fester in your head.”


In the end, her husband always maintained that there was not a sexual relationship (who knows for sure?) but he did maintain a very close relationship with this woman — daily txt, emails, occasional dinner, flowers on a birthday...and completely kept it from his wife; denied it repeatedly until it was totally impossible to deny. Do you think that’s cheating? I would feel cheated on if that happened to me. She always said, “it would be easier to get over if he just went out and fucked someone.”


To each his or her own...but I think most of us would feel violated if lied to by a spouse. Whether it’s that non-sexual mind fuck or stepping out to a brothel. When I was married I would occasionally go to a brothel alone and kept it from my husband, because I know he was intimidated by my physical response to women.  I freely (and not proudly) cop to cheating, because I purposefully hid it.


Lol obviously I have a rare afternoon off, a bottle of Rombauer, and too much time to opine!


Goldie

Outside of the brothel I would see it different. The emotional part would hurt me worse. I would rather they just fucked and parted.

There are some interesting rationalizations. Maybe being a working girl I rationalize this way. Not sure. Since I'm in this small little brothel world it doesn't bother me.

Thank you for posting Goldie.

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

[Lee]

I suppose it means different things to each of us. I think anything that you purposefully hide from your partner is cheating.

I’m not judging...we’ve all done it to some extent....but if you have to lie about it, you are cheating. I mean the whole point isn’t the specific activity. The point is that you have to lie about it. To me that’s what makes it cheating.

Goldie[/size]

Well put Goldie. Yes it does mean different things to different people, and the lie is the base. The word 'cheat' never seemed to be appropriate to me (just an imho thing) when referring to extra-primary relational sex.

Seeing a prostituteeans many things to many people. Men come for all different reasons. Wife may be pregnant, wife may not want or can't have sex any more, the spark is not there anymore. Wife does not like to give head, anal or sex. May want fetish wife may not provide or don't want wife to know such as strapons. Or even as simple as wife to busy to even be sit down hang and chat. I think seeing a prostitute saves marriages I don't consider it cheating

Good points Vanity. There is no need to consider it 'cheating'.

A few weeks ago, I had a great conversation at the brothel with 2 courtesans about "What would You do (sexually) if You were the opposite gender?" The conversation was a hilarious blast and maybe it could be a thread topic here. One possible solution to this 'cheating' thing would be to have a mate that was a courtesan. I could envision the evening conversation going something like this: He- Hi Honey I'm Home!  She- Hey Sweetheart (smooch) how was Your day?  He- Oh, normal BS, Hey I swung by the brothel after work and had sex with that new Lady they hired last week, She's got amazing breasts and She's a pretty good kisser too!  She- Sounds like fun Sweetie! Hope it works out for Her there or she may wind up over at our brothel.  He- So how was Your day Hon?  She- Oh, I bred 3 men today, one of them had an oversized cock which didn't do much for me other than stretch me a little. One of them though was a fantastic oral clit massager and I orgasmed twice! He- That's nice Honey, glad He got You off. She- Oh hey, I booked an all weekend outdate for the middle of next month with a young Guy. He- (laughs) Another Young Guy, huh? That'll be a bangfest!  She- Yea, I'm looking forward to it though, You know I like my outings. He- I'll just hang out over at the brothel that weekend again and party some. She- Sounds good to me, are You ready to head to the restaurant Love?  He- Yeah, I'm starvin'..........

When two people have their hearts pointing at each other like little arrows, THAT is the basis of a relationship, NOT which way the sex organs may point at different times (I'll put the imho on that statement since, yea, it's different strokes for different folks).

This 'cheating' thing (and how different views exist) may stem from a person's jealousy level (jealousy sucks), and that too is probably a different subject for a different thread. 

[Dirk Diggler]

Quite a few interesting perspectives on this and logical arguments. I think the deeper question is if you believe cheating, however you define it, to be wrong or right? And whatever your feelings are, are they truly yours that you have made a conscious personal choice about it, or are your feelings on the matter influenced and formed by social and religious norms instead?


Dirk

[elkogfe]

Very good topic Rachel.  I have had this convo many times.  Sometimes I agree with Kitty and sometimes I believe it isn’t especially when the woman is older and just doesn’t want to have sex anymore but the guy does..  what to do?  Jerk off the rest of your life? 


Pondering....

[rachelvarga]

Very good topic Rachel.  I have had this convo many times.  Sometimes I agree with Kitty and sometimes I believe it isn’t especially when the woman is older and just doesn’t want to have sex anymore but the guy does..  what to do?  Jerk off the rest of your life? 


Pondering....

Yeah it is kind of complex and there are many variations and beliefs. I just see it as our own little world and that if a guy comes in then whatever is in his life is a separate thing. Like our own little Universe bubble I guess. If I was married and had a husband go to a brothel I would not be mad or think he's cheating.


Well depends on who he spent our money on. Lol.

[SixT9er]

Very good topic Rachel.  I have had this convo many times.  Sometimes I agree with Kitty and sometimes I believe it isn’t especially when the woman is older and just doesn’t want to have sex anymore but the guy does..  what to do?  Jerk off the rest of your life? 


Pondering....

Yeah it is kind of complex and there are many variations and beliefs. I just see it as our own little world and that if a guy comes in then whatever is in his life is a separate thing. Like our own little Universe bubble I guess. If I was married and had a husband go to a brothel I would not be mad or think he's cheating.


Well depends on who he spent our money on. Lol.

Rachel,


Will you marry me? I promise to give you final say on who I’d spend our money on! ?

[MrTShirt]

I knew of a couple locally where the wife told the husband that they were going to have separate bedrooms, and he could do what he wanted, as long as he didn't bring anyone home.

[SixT9er]

We all have different definitions of cheating, I like Rachel’s so I’m going you use that one! ?

[dbldblu51]

I was married for 20 years and with my wife 7 years before that.  I was monogamous the whole time.  There was never any temptation to look elsewhere as we had a wonderful erotic marriage that left nothing to be desired.  To me going to a brothel would have been cheating.  When she hit menopause boy things changed.  The great sex life we had was really diminished.  She felt bad about that and actually told me I should go to the Mustang or do whatever I wanted but I did not.  Not meaning to lecture anyone as every ones experience is different.