Joke of the Day

[firefighter]

A little girl and little boy are fighting about the differences between the sexes, and which one is better. Finally, the boy drops his pants and says, “Here’s something I have that you’ll never have!” The little girl is pretty upset by this, since it is clearly true and runs home crying. A while later she comes running back with a smile on her face. She drops her panties and says, “My mommy says that with one of these, I can have as many of those as I want!”

[firefighter]

Many people are alive only because it's against the law to kill them.

[firefighter]

If you help someone when they're in trouble, they will remember you when they're in trouble again.

[firefighter]

Alcohol does not solve any problems, but then neither does milk.

[Mikey]

How many Donald Trumps does it take to screw in a lightbulb? We'll never know because after he screws them, he pays them $130,000 not to tell.

[Cobia]

We don't need politics on this board.

I agree !!

Let's try to keep this board nice unlike the SIN board.

[Cobia]

https://scontent-dft4-2.xx.fbcdn.net/v/ ... e=5AFC9020

[Mikey]

What’s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball? A guy will actually search for a golf ball.[/size]

[Mikey]

How do you circumcise a hillbilly? Kick his sister in the jaw.

[Prospector Bob]

Jack & Jill went up the hill,
Each had a dollar & a quarter.
When Jill came down she had two-fifty,
They didn't go up for water!  ;D

[Mikey]

In 1991, Duke University funded a study to see why the head of a man's penis was larger than the shaft. After one year and $180,000.00, they concluded that the reason the head was larger than the shaft was to give the Man more pleasure during sex. After Duke published the study, Stanford decided to do their own study. After three years of research and $250,000.00, they concluded that the reason was to give the Woman more pleasure during sex. The University of Wisconsin, unsatisfied with these findings, spent $13.27 (for a Playboy, Penthouse, and a case of Old Milwaukee) and concluded that it was to keep a man's hand from flying off and hitting him in the forehead.[/color][/size]

[Prospector Bob]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ac7G7xOG2Ag

[firefighter]

"I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty!" ~ George Burns

[firefighter]

"Sex is emotion in motion!" ~ Mae West

[firefighter]

"Sex appeal is 50% what you've got and 50% what people think you've got!" ~ Sophia Loren

[firefighter]

"It's been so long since I made love, I can't even remember who gets tied up." ~ Joan Rivers

[firefighter]

There's no end to the witch hunts !

Here's another example of the witch hunt caused by the flood of sexual abuse allegations: 

I just read of a professional who after 7 years of medical school and training has been fired for one minor indiscretion.  The doctor slept with one of his patients and can no longer work in the profession. What a waste of time, effort, training and money.  The doctor is still paying off his school loans too.  This just goes to show you, one minor mistake can ruin a person's life.  Thoughts and prayers for the doctor and his family.  The article says he really is a great guy and a brilliant veterinarian.

[Chicagobob]

This one is my all-time favorite.  It's clean enough to tell to kids. I've posted it other places and people seem to love it.  Enjoy!


Two rednecks are out hunting, and as they are walking along they come upon a huge hole in the ground.
They approach it and are amazed by the size of it. The first hunter says "Wow, that's some hole; I can't even see the bottom. I wonder how deep it is." The second hunter says "I don't know, let's throw something down and listen and see how long it takes to hit bottom."


The first hunter says "There's this old automobile transmission here, give me a hand and we'll throw it in and see". So they pick it up and carry it over, and count one, and two and three, and throw it in the hole.


They are standing there listening and looking over the edge and they hear a rustling in the brush behind them. As they turn around they see a goat come crashing through the brush, run up to the hole and with no hesitation, jumped in head first.


While they are standing there looking at each other, looking in the hole and trying to figure out what that was all about, an old farmer walks up. "Say there", says the farmer, "you fellers didn't happen to see my goat around here anywhere, did you?"


The first hunter says " Funny you should ask,  we were just standing here a minute ago and a goat came running out of the bushes doin' about a hunnert miles an hour and jumped headfirst into this hole here!"


The old farmer said "Why that's impossible, I had him chained to a transmission!"[/size]

[Cobia]

This one is my all-time favorite.  It's clean enough to tell to kids. I've posted it other places and people seem to love it.  Enjoy!


Two rednecks are out hunting, and as they are walking along they come upon a huge hole in the ground.
They approach it and are amazed by the size of it. The first hunter says "Wow, that's some hole; I can't even see the bottom. I wonder how deep it is." The second hunter says "I don't know, let's throw something down and listen and see how long it takes to hit bottom."


The first hunter says "There's this old automobile transmission here, give me a hand and we'll throw it in and see". So they pick it up and carry it over, and count one, and two and three, and throw it in the hole.


They are standing there listening and looking over the edge and they hear a rustling in the brush behind them. As they turn around they see a goat come crashing through the brush, run up to the hole and with no hesitation, jumped in head first.


While they are standing there looking at each other, looking in the hole and trying to figure out what that was all about, an old farmer walks up. "Say there", says the farmer, "you fellers didn't happen to see my goat around here anywhere, did you?"


The first hunter says " Funny you should ask,  we were just standing here a minute ago and a goat came running out of the bushes doin' about a hunnert miles an hour and jumped headfirst into this hole here!"


The old farmer said "Why that's impossible, I had him chained to a transmission!"[/size]

;D ;D ;D......good one !!

[SixT9er]

Two guys are sitting in the bar after work when a beautiful lady walks in and sits at the other end of the bar. The lady looks at the two guys and gives them a dismissive glance and then proceeds to drink her drink.
The first guy says to his buddy "I bet you $100 I can take that lady home with me for sex in less than a minute" His buddy says "You're on!"
The guy walks over to the lady and sits with his back to his buddy. In less than 30 seconds he and the lady get up and walk out the door.
The guys buddy calls the bartender over and asks "What did he say or do to get her to leave with him?" The bartender replies "He said hello then licked his eyebrow"

[Prospector Bob]

A feller was sittin' at a bar when another feller walks up & asks, "Have you seen Bob?"

First feller says, "Bob who?"

Second feller says with a laugh, "Bob up & kiss my ass!"

The first feller, being a little slow, falls for the same scenario everyday for the rest of the week. The bartender felt sorry for the poor guy & tells him, "When that guy comes in, before he says anything, ask him if he's seen Eileen. When he says Eileen who, you say, I lean over you kiss my ass."

So the second feller eventually comes in & goes straight to his patsy. But before he can say anything, the first feller says, "Have you seen Eileen?

Second feller says, "She just left with Bob."

"Bob who"